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This Past Month At Apple January 2015 Edition

Apple started off the new year in true Apple fashion: lying, cheating, and scamming.

Apple "Fraudently Acquired" The Iconic Beats Headphones Line

In a move that cost Monster millions, Apple allegedly conspired to steal the rights to Beats in a "sham" transaction. The acuisition of beats was Apple's largest, at $3.2 billion.

App Store Prices Get Jacked Up for EU, Canada

Apple blindsided its European and Canadian customers with a fierce price hike. They claim that this was due to changes in VAT; however, the prices tell a different story. The most popular items saw increases of up to 35%.

Apple Pays The Price For Breaking Antitrust Laws

As if the economy needed further damage, Apple shelled out millions after being accused of salary fixing and limiting job mobility.

New Executive At Apple Earns More Than CEO

Now you know where all the markup in Mac prices go. Angela Ahrendts took home nearly 8 times more than Tim Cook.

iosys ##Author - Feb 20, 2015 9:20PM
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Apple Finally Caves to Pressure to Fix Known Defective Hardware After 4 Years

Nearly four whole years have passed since the 2011 MacBook Pros were released and users began experiencing crippling hardware issues. The resulting class-action lawsuit came to a close in January when controversial Judge William Alsup dismissed the case; however, after a petition with over thirty-eight thousand signatures pressured the reprehensible retailer, Apple did a 180.

Apple was quick to deny any suspected defects in their hardware despite some customers experiencing glitched video, no video, or the laptop suddenly rebooting. Surely the mountain of evidence in favour of the customer would make this a cut and dry case? Maybe in a perfect world; then again, in a perfect world, there wouldn't be Apple.

Presiding over the case was none other than U.S. District Judge William "Posted From My iPad" Alsup, a judge widely known for his "vindictive and egotistical" attitude and reputation for being temperamental and prejudiced. He dismissed the case claiming the plaintiffs failure to prove the defects in the computers. Clearly a video chip that fails to render any video at all is working as intended.

The ever greedy, ever questionably ethical computer company defended themselves by stating that only "a small percentage" of devices were affected. This small percentage of customers is also responsible for a recent thread gaining over 4,000,000 views on Apple's support forum and an online petition with over 38,000 signatures.

Eventually, the forces of good triumphed, and Apple has begrudgingly changed their stance by offering free repairs to those affected. So now everyone with long outdated defective hardware can get it fixed for free 4 years late. Gotta love the award winning customer service.

iosys ##Author - Feb 20, 2015 8:44PM
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Apple Caught Lying

Despite their assurances that "no one but the sender and receiver can see or read [iMessages]", the iMessage system has been found to be insecure, as Apple could MitM their users and read their messages after all. This is acceptable to most users (especially Apple users) but it goes against Apple's previous statement completely, especially when issued within the context of NSA spying revelations earlier this year.

Romanoff ##Admin - Oct 17, 2013 7:51PM
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Quicktold

After years of the typical copy and paste philosophy with regards to branding, Apple admits that it must, for the first time, think different by recruiting a fashion expert to polish its tarnished image.

iosys ##Author - Oct 17, 2013 12:34PM
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iPhone 5C A Miss, "Too Expensive!" Shocker

The runt of the iPhone litter, the 5C, is disappointing investors and customers alike with its less than satisfactory sales. Apple has cut back on production orders on the under-performing 5C. Somewhere in China, sweatshop workers rejoice at the lighter work load.

Analysts claim that the 5C is too expensive (gasp) to compete with the obviously superior and reasonably priced Android devices. The 5C is only $100 cheaper than the 5S, but still costs as much as a root canal. Reportedly, only the most die-hard fanboys are loyal enough and lacking in common sense to fork over the cash. Unfortunately, even the world's largest herd of sheep aren't enough to satisfy demand.

"Affordable" isn't in Apple's dictionary apparently, for instead of cutting down the price to bolster sales as they have done in the past, instead they opt to cut down on production.

The iPhone 5C just can't seem to live up to the expectations in the eyes of people set by the 5S and the legacy of previous phones. Oddly, "Steve" starts with S and "Cook" starts with C. Coincidence?

iosys ##Author - Oct 17, 2013 1:19AM
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TouchID Already Broken

The Chaos Computer Club has defeated Apple's fingerprint scanner deployed on the new iPhone 5S using just a laser printer and woodglue. A video was released detailing the process, and a member of the CCC has stated

"We hope that this finally puts to rest the illusions people have about fingerprint biometrics. It is plain stupid to use something that you canīt change and that you leave everywhere every day as a security token"

As we can see, TouchID is just another gimmick to impress the naive and slow the abandonment of Apple's aging and restrictive platform.

Edit: It seems the CCC also wins a bounty of booze and bitcoins

Romanoff ##Admin - Sep 22, 2013 4:14PM
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"Apple is taking a pounding. The bubble has burst."

Following Bitcoin's recent example, Forbes predicts the bursting of the AAPL bubble. Perhaps people are finally realizing they have been buying essentially the same phone for almost six years now?

Romanoff ##Admin - Apr 18, 2013 9:13PM Thanks to hurrr
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Apple Struggles to Fix Problems in Failing iOS Platform

Apple's release of iOS 6.1.1 fixes a crippling bug long outstanding in the already unpopular iPhone 4S. The bug caused 3G networking issues and many headaches for the affected users. This is only one bug in a swarm of engineering debacles revolving around one of the most avoided product upgrades since the iPhone 4S. Some say that iOS 6 is "nothing but trouble," and the future of the platform looks bleak.

The uphill battle to restore Apple's crumbling reputation continues with issues regarding Microsoft Exchange. Apple products running the defective OS were observed to cause excessive logging to Exchange servers and slowing them to a crawl. The problem was found to reside in Apple's code that syncs a user's Exchange mailbox and calendar. The way that the faulty code handles exceptions is the cause for "rapid growth in transaction logs, CPU use, and memory consumption." Microsoft announced that they would be willing to work with Apple on fixing the issue; however, they, like the iPhone and iPad users have yet to receive a real solution from the company for nearly a month. Apple's poor response time to the pressing matter has led businesses to ban iPhones and iPads from connecting to their servers. Since iOS users lack the basic freedom to roll back their operating system, they remain at the mercy of Apple's clumsy handling of the situation.

Apple is even slower to repair the iPhone's Wifi issues that have been plaguing users for months. The release of iOS 6.1.1 actually made the issue worse; users report that while their iPhone already couldn't keep a connection for more than a few minutes, with the update, now their phone can no longer find any Wifi access points at all.

As if that wasn't enough, the security hole in iOS 6.1's lock screen remains untouched. Contacts, personal information and unauthorized access to enterprise servers by a malicious third party are just one stolen iPhone away even with the most advanced security software employed.

"You can have the strongest password, the enhanced security features, the remote wipe functions set up, and all kinds of policies enabled, but in this case all those features become instantly redundant. And, until Apple fixes it...some of your corporate data is vulnerable to unauthorized access."

Apple promises to fix this issue as soon as possible, and given their track record, means that it's probably time to shop around in the android market.

iosys ##Author - Feb 17, 2013 10:17PM
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Apple Submitting Patent for Wireless Charging

It seems Apple has made a breakthrough invention: wireless device charging. With this new technology, an iDevice owner would be able to charge their device without plugging it in! We like to have a laugh at Apple's expense here, but sometimes they come up with something so extraordinary we cannot help but be awestruck by their innovations.

Romanoff ##Admin - Dec 4, 2012 1:51PM
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Quicktold

Apple's douchebaggery regarding their childlike failure to form a real apology earned them a court order to pay Samsung's legal fees.

iosys ##Author - Nov 10, 2012 10:41PM Thanks to Anon
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