Apple Argues In Favor Of Android To Win A Lawsuit

As Apple desperately tries to ban the sale of competitor Samsung's devices, an especially interesting display of childishness had Samsung claiming Android software was inferior to Apple responding that Android software was in fact just as good.

Most Valuable

Apple is now the most valuable company to ever have existed. Hopefully one day the human race can look back on this event and laugh at how vain society once was.

Quicktold

Android dominates the smartphone market in China with 81% of shipments in Q2. It surged past 100 million smartphone shipments globally leaving iOS in the dust with only 26 million.

This Past Month at Apple

Galaxy Tab Not "Cool" Enough To Be Confused For An iPad, Apple Not Cool Enough To Win Their Own Lawsuit

A UK judge ruled in favor of Samsung over Apple's patent trolling saying the Galaxy Tab does not "not have the same understated and extreme simplicity" that iPads have. We can only assume "extreme simplicity" here means lacking in even trivial features such as removable storage, replacable battery, camera flash, 4G, etc.

Apple's appeal to the hip and trendy younger generation once again has come to bite them in the rear. At least now there's something in common between what certian Apple products lack and what Apple lacks in their own demographic: A right clique.

The Patent Troll Gets Trolled Back

Noise Free claimed that they presented its noise-canceling tech to Apple, who then proceeded to cut off all communication with Noise Free, then integrate their EarSmart technology into the A5 processor.

Clearly, the noise canceling technology is defective, or else the Occupy Wallstreet movement would have been a silent protest.

Apple Abandons Otherwise Capable 64-bit Macs with Mountain Lion Update

Some slightly out of date Macs that currently run OSX Lion are getting chopped from official support thanks to Apple's decision to not have the new kernel in Mountain Lion support 32 bit kernel extensions. The dropping of 32 bit support equals the inability to load the 32 bit graphics driver required by the GPU.

Looks like users that shelled out for one of the affected Macs must either sell another organ or deal with no more upgrades from Apple.

Apple Refuses to Sell to an American Citizen Due To Her Iranian Descent

Apple claimed it was following US policy when an employee racially profiled a group of customers denying to sell them an iPad and iPhone. Apple was later forced to allow the University of Georgia student to buy what she wanted from the Apple Store online.

Given the amount of times type of incident occurs according to Sabet and Jafarzadeh, we're surprised to see that this doesn't get reported Allah the time.

Reinforcing The Reality Distortion Field

Apple finished off the month by making a cliche statement to strengthen the subconcious suspension of disbelief of their fanbase. Jonathon Ive spoke to the public that Apple isn't in it for the money.

No clever joke here, this is funny enough as is.

Quicktold

Apple patents hearing aid social networking. Whatever the hell that means.

Apple Ordered to Apologize for Trolling

Apple has been ordered by a UK judge to post a clarification stating that Samsung did not copy Apple's design on their website for six months as well as in several newspapers. How Apple will spin this to save face should be interesting.

San Francisco bans the purchase of Mac laptops and desktops

The Sucka Free City defended their title earlier this week by publicly banning the purchase of Apple laptops and desktops. This comes in response to Apple quietly removing 39 of their computers from the EPEAT registry.

Apple refused to elaborate on the reason behind the move, but EPEAT CEO Robert Frisbee sheds some light on the situation by observing the new 15" MacBook with the much anticipated deadweight Retina display:

"That’s because the computer’s battery [is] glued into its case making recycling, which requires separating out toxic parts, difficult."

Kyle Wiens, co-founder of iFixit.com, said the battery was also glued to the Retina display making the disassembly "nearly impossible." The irony piles up considering that Apple, a "world leader" in innovation proves that they can't innovate their way out of a polished aluminum box. Also realize that Apple initially helped fund and create standards for EPEAT, and across the nation, federal agencies and educational institutions that rely on Macs could be forced to drop the offending Apple products cutting into a key market.

On the bright side, once federal agencies and the like switch back to PCs, the money saved should be enough to fully restore the economy and pay off the debt.

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Apple Patents Aesthetic Desgin

The lawyers at Apple do it again in what will likely be their most innovative move of 2012: The patent of a design decision that has been around for a long time. The "wedge" shape of a closed notebook in which the front end is thinner than the back end is now theirs alone.

As can be seen, it is clear that manufacturers like ASUS traveled to the future to steal Apple's design and use it for the netbook I've had for 3 years now.

Quicktold

It seems that Apple only recently fixed a "bug" with Siri that caused it to proclaim that the Lumia 900 was the best smartphone when asked. Betrayed by their own pseudo-AI, embarrassing.