You Fags Sure Got TOLD

Quicktold

iosys ##Author — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 07:30:55 -0700

Apple is rapidly losing steam in Japan. A growing number of japanese are realizing that iPhones are simply not worth the hefty price which includes an additional premium from Apple for no good reason.

YFSGT: Not Dead Yet, But Apple's Thunderbolt Display Is

iosys ##Author — Fri, 24 Jun 2016 12:12:44 -0700

In an ongoing effort to cover up the cracks forming in their public image, a gaping chasm opened up Thursday when Apple announced that their 27-inch Thunderbolt display will linger in the store "while supplies last." This comes without prior warning nor an explanation from the unsteady giant where they plan to go to fill this niche in the market.

For our readers, ever burdened with intelligence and common sense and obviously bewildered as to why a 27 inch monitor, especially one on clearance, would be priced at $999, allow us to explain. Apple, in all their innovative unwisdom, saw that their regressive mindset regarding their MacBook Pro has lead to feature bankruptcy resulting in a so-called "computer" lacking in even the most basic of connectivity enjoyed by every competing brand for decades much to the chagrin of IT professionals worldwide. Instead of the logical decision of adding actual ports like ethernet back onto their laptops, they solved the problem in typical Apple fashion: make it available with an overpriced add-on.

Thunderbolt puts Display Port and PCIe on one cable allowing the display to carry the ports that the laptop is missing and at the low cost of one thousand dollars, how could such a monitor fail? Well that was predictable. Now Apple is silently washing their hands in a tail-between-legs move that leaves their customers high and dry with sub-par hardware.

When it comes to making a plainly obvious, smart decision, or one that leaves us all head scratching, Apple really does Think Different.

Quicktold

iosys ##Author — Sun, 01 Mar 2015 17:33:45 -0800

Samsung Innovates, Apple stagnates. The revolutionary Samsung Galaxy S6 does what the iPhone has failed to do time and time again: innovate. The smart phone sports a screen that curves to the side bringing a whole new dimension to phones.

Apple Trolled For $532.9 Million, So Easy A Caveman Could Do It

iosys ##Author — Sun, 01 Mar 2015 17:33:03 -0800

We at YFSGT greatly condemn patent trolls and believe they are no better than cancer. We also are of the opinion that software patents belong in the garbage, but that is another rant for another time. The point is, we don't take kindly to patent trolls, and for all intents and purposes, they are worse than Apple. Or so we thought.

Despite demonstrating legal prowess in the war with Samsung and supposedly knowing their way around a patent battle, Apple lost half a billion dollars to Smartflash LLC. The single employee, zero product company owned by Patrick Racz breezed through court proceedings showing little knowledge of the nature of the patents, but plenty in the way of legal battles.

Apple's own attorneys, seasoned with years of experience in just this sort of court case, repeatedly failed to present any witness who showed any kind of studiousness towards competency involving patents. This is against a single man from a farming family who dropped out of 8th grade. The Jury only took 8 hours to come to a decision in favour of the patent troll.

Thanks Apple, for dumping over $500 million into the patent trolling industry ensuring its longevity.

This Past Month At Apple January 2015 Edition

iosys ##Author — Fri, 20 Feb 2015 21:20:13 -0800

Apple started off the new year in true Apple fashion: lying, cheating, and scamming.

Apple "Fraudently Acquired" The Iconic Beats Headphones Line

In a move that cost Monster millions, Apple allegedly conspired to steal the rights to Beats in a "sham" transaction. The acuisition of beats was Apple's largest, at $3.2 billion.

App Store Prices Get Jacked Up for EU, Canada

Apple blindsided its European and Canadian customers with a fierce price hike. They claim that this was due to changes in VAT; however, the prices tell a different story. The most popular items saw increases of up to 35%.

Apple Pays The Price For Breaking Antitrust Laws

As if the economy needed further damage, Apple shelled out millions after being accused of salary fixing and limiting job mobility.

New Executive At Apple Earns More Than CEO

Now you know where all the markup in Mac prices go. Angela Ahrendts took home nearly 8 times more than Tim Cook.

Apple Finally Caves to Pressure to Fix Known Defective Hardware After 4 Years

iosys ##Author — Fri, 20 Feb 2015 20:44:56 -0800

Nearly four whole years have passed since the 2011 MacBook Pros were released and users began experiencing crippling hardware issues. The resulting class-action lawsuit came to a close in January when controversial Judge William Alsup dismissed the case; however, after a petition with over thirty-eight thousand signatures pressured the reprehensible retailer, Apple did a 180.

Apple was quick to deny any suspected defects in their hardware despite some customers experiencing glitched video, no video, or the laptop suddenly rebooting. Surely the mountain of evidence in favour of the customer would make this a cut and dry case? Maybe in a perfect world; then again, in a perfect world, there wouldn't be Apple.

Presiding over the case was none other than U.S. District Judge William "Posted From My iPad" Alsup, a judge widely known for his "vindictive and egotistical" attitude and reputation for being temperamental and prejudiced. He dismissed the case claiming the plaintiffs failure to prove the defects in the computers. Clearly a video chip that fails to render any video at all is working as intended.

The ever greedy, ever questionably ethical computer company defended themselves by stating that only "a small percentage" of devices were affected. This small percentage of customers is also responsible for a recent thread gaining over 4,000,000 views on Apple's support forum and an online petition with over 38,000 signatures.

Eventually, the forces of good triumphed, and Apple has begrudgingly changed their stance by offering free repairs to those affected. So now everyone with long outdated defective hardware can get it fixed for free 4 years late. Gotta love the award winning customer service.

Apple Caught Lying

Romanoff ##Admin — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 19:51:46 -0700

Despite their assurances that "no one but the sender and receiver can see or read [iMessages]", the iMessage system has been found to be insecure, as Apple could MitM their users and read their messages after all. This is acceptable to most users (especially Apple users) but it goes against Apple's previous statement completely, especially when issued within the context of NSA spying revelations earlier this year.

Quicktold

iosys ##Author — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 12:34:40 -0700

After years of the typical copy and paste philosophy with regards to branding, Apple admits that it must, for the first time, think different by recruiting a fashion expert to polish its tarnished image.

iPhone 5C A Miss, "Too Expensive!" Shocker

iosys ##Author — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 01:19:02 -0700

The runt of the iPhone litter, the 5C, is disappointing investors and customers alike with its less than satisfactory sales. Apple has cut back on production orders on the under-performing 5C. Somewhere in China, sweatshop workers rejoice at the lighter work load.

Analysts claim that the 5C is too expensive (gasp) to compete with the obviously superior and reasonably priced Android devices. The 5C is only $100 cheaper than the 5S, but still costs as much as a root canal. Reportedly, only the most die-hard fanboys are loyal enough and lacking in common sense to fork over the cash. Unfortunately, even the world's largest herd of sheep aren't enough to satisfy demand.

"Affordable" isn't in Apple's dictionary apparently, for instead of cutting down the price to bolster sales as they have done in the past, instead they opt to cut down on production.

The iPhone 5C just can't seem to live up to the expectations in the eyes of people set by the 5S and the legacy of previous phones. Oddly, "Steve" starts with S and "Cook" starts with C. Coincidence?

TouchID Already Broken

Romanoff ##Admin — Sun, 22 Sep 2013 16:14:17 -0700